Blood Trail Flashlight

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What should I write next? ok so i wrote this poem and it's really sad, it was one of my first poems i wrote, but I don't know what I should put for the next stanza. Flashlight searching for evidence in my head. "Looky here", the young man said. "Look at the trails of blood flowing like the rapids down my fair skinned arm, it seems to be getting very warm. Liquid reaching each speckle individually. Seems difficult from the starting mark, but it get easier, really. Drops from the ocean rushing down my face. They're going nowhere, but seem to be playing chase. It's all confusing of what's taking place. The next stage in writing is not going on to something else, but in revising what you have already written. Work on the phrasing, to get a smoother flow to the words. Play with the images. Read it aloud, because poetry scanned visually has a totally different effect than poetry read aloud Check the spelling (yeah, yeah. Nag, nag. But spelling does make a difference. So does grammar, even in a poem.)
For example, your last line -- It's all confusing -- what is the word 'of' doing in the middle of that sentence? Wouldn't a comma have served the purpose?
Sometimes it helps to put things away for a while, go on to something else, and then come back to it later, when you can see it with less involved eyes.
Good luck

In my story do you feel like the charater? Is it not detailed enough or too detailed? You slowly toss and turn in bed, attempting to go to sleep before the sun rises and classed follow. When you do manage, to fall asleep you dream of your mother and father dying in a house fire, if that wasn’t enough, the lighting hitting far off in the distance keeps awaking you as well as the nightmare. Suddenly a light flashes in your room and you immediately count, 1 Mississippi, two, three. Then you hear the thunder from the heavens, not that far away, not a comforting thought you think as you slowly shiver. As you close your eyes, literally squeezing your pillow to keep you from screaming you hear a silent scream, as if a woman is being murdered. You try to fall asleep again you hear the same scream, this time almost like a wail, yet so silent you question its existence. No mistaking it though it was a scream indeed. With anxiety and fear running through your mind and veins, you take your plain Jane white comforter off of you. As you do so, the coldness of the room strikes you, even though you are still in your normal clothing. As you stand up in the middle of this dark room, you twist your head back and forth, as you see nothing. Blindly you step forward, trying to feel for the wall, your hand hits it as the walls frozen winter chill bites your hand. A shiver runs through your body as goose bumps appear all over your skin, you feel like you’re about to freeze to death. As you feel the wall up and down you finally find the light switch, with your fingers you flick the switch up. The light hits you as everything goes blurry as you rapidly turn around to try to see the room you rest inside. Slowly you are regaining sight as you see a few black, almost circular dots clouding your vision, then its all normal as your sight becomes normal once more. You see your window open as you walk over to it, the wind blows in to your face as the curtains are open. Maybe that is why its so cold in here, maybe that’s the wailing sound, you silent think to yourself. Slowly you grab both ends of the glass and pull them in, shutting the windows closed. You caught a glimpse of the outside as you did so, all you can remember you saw what a cloudy sky and the city’s lights not on, it looked like a complete power outage. Is the power off? No, it can’t be or why do my lights work? You think to reassure yourself. As soon as you go back to sit down on your bed, you hear that same wail. There it is again, that silent scream. Freaked out you rapidly open your bedroom door and try to look ahead but the lights are out and all you see is darkness. The hell, why do my lights work and not the rest of the college’s lights, you silently ponder to yourself? Quickly you turn around on one foot like a ballerina and you go to your hand made desk and pull your small yellow flashlight off of the top wooden part. No bigger then your thumb, yet it is still a flashlight. You go back and you flick it back on resting it in your palm. As you shine it down the corridor, you just see your fellow peers doors closed. Yet with a second glance on the right wall, blood covers the wall and it goes down the brown wall for eternality, you cannot see the end with the tiny flashlight which rests in your right hand. Then suddenly another lighting bolt hits, and you immediately hear the thunder as you jump up alarmed. Without knowing, it your breathing becomes very rapid as you go down the corridor half with curiously, half in complete fear. As you slowly follow the blood smeared trail, you begin to look behind you every other second in a nervous break down, yet something in the back of your mind urges you to press forward. All one’s eyes can see as you go down the corridors is mostly darkness, but you keep the dim flashlight concentrated on the blood splattered wall, and the odd wooden door that fills the corridor. You run your finger ever so slowly across the blood, it is not dry and some of the blood is now glued to your finger, this means it is fresh you shiver at the thought and then you wonder why isn’t anyone else awake? With this thought, you slowly open the nearest door, slowly you creek it open as you peek inside. As you wave your flashlight around inside the room, you see just two lone bunk beds, empty. With curiosity in your veins and a little, amount of fear you army crawl under the right bunk bed and shine the flashlight underneath it. You see an army knife, camouflage and all. Without a second thought, you immediately pick it up and unsheathe it. It flips open silently, without making a sound. Just like the knife, everything in this college is quiet, nerve racking quietness. You hold the knife in your right hand with your flashlight in your left. Suddenly you hear that scream again, at god like speed you get up and turn around. The lights flicker on inside the hall and you see someone, a girl in front of you yet it is hard to make out as the light blurs you vision. Yet what you can see is that a scar goe Ugh, never, never, EVER write in second person- you are ordering the reader around to what to do. This is the worst mistake a writer can make- third person can be just as powerful if used correctly. First person can achieve what the second person can, but, once again, proceed with caution.
You need to revise this story and change persons. Then, you come back to me so I can edit it, as the second person completely throws the reader off.
Just so you know, you do an average job, but it could be much improved by changing persons.
@Beautiful Nightmare I don't know what books you have been reading, but is something that I wouldn't classify as brilliant. It needs a lot of work and more description as the writer obviously relies (too much) on second person to move the story.
@ Beautiful Nightmare My point again. The writer's point of view on the character is in no way brilliant to be frank. Its obvious there are more errors than a few "spelling and grammar" things. I mean, I didn't even feel like the character- I felt like I was being ordered around.
I'd give it a B-.

Truth is sad...no one wants to hear it, or see it...? I shined the light through the window And didn't blink, and stood as a statue Wondering if the boy was just below The seat sleeping. I have seen a few Deaths and all were in a state I know Well; but the boy was sleeping in peace As his face had no expression and his whole Chest was not moving. Yet I couldn't cease To check him, and my mind told me that the hole In his head was a Hollywood movie; this is not real, I have to check on the boy with the small wound On his peaceful boyish face, sleeping, laying still. Please be sleeping, peaceful sleeping under the moon, Lighting the night as my flashlight began to tell That he was sleeping, eternally sleeping. That Hollywood Hole, so small, no blood until I saw the red trail, And the trail of red told me he was dead. Dead? Would Someone help me? I can't help the child, I can only stare At that face of a baby and think of his mother. Not long God was here for his soul; yet I imagine her despair Almost equal to mine, that I keep inside and stay strong Hoping I return home and release this pain alone, for I truly care. This 'movie' was horror, and it remains a picture forever....... Excellent poem,nice & dark !

I wrote a scary story is it good? Rate between 1 and 10? I wrote a scary story is it good? Rate between 1 and 10 Murder By, John Jane Chapter 1 Page 1-3 Chapter 2 Page 4-6 Chapter 1 There were six people lost in the woods and they were looking for another person that went missing and in the woods. When they were about 50 minutes into hiking when the youngest one disappeared they were yelling his name when they heard a scream. They ran over to see what was there but nothing was there except the kids pocket knife lying open on the ground. The 17 year old grabbed the knife and put it in is pocket. They noticed a trail going through the bushes so they followed the trail and they found a trail of blood. They walked on even further and the 14 year old found a severed finger in the dirt. Now they were really scared and the 17 year old got the knife out. They heard some thing in the bushes and the 14 year old screamed it was a raccoon running up a tree then it came back down and repeated it 5 times. Page 1 They went over to the place where the raccoon was and the body of the person that went missing was lying in the bushes all torn up. The 9 year old was so disgusted he ran into the bushes and threw up but no one noticed him run into the bushes. Then some thing came up behind him and he was gone. Started walking again when the 17 year old noticed the 9 year old was missing. The 14 year old was running to catch up but ran into a tree and dropped his flashlight and the batteries fell out. He reached out to grab the batteries but they were gone he saw a shadow move and he started to cry. He finally found the batteries and then turned on the light and there were eyes shining all around him he screamed and ran toward were he thought every one else was when he came up to a small log shack. He thought, what was this doing in the middle of the woods? He went up to the door to see if it was unlocked and it was he went in and there was a horrible stench he shined the flash light to a corner and the body of the nine year old was lying Page 2 on the floor he went over to it when he notices half of it was gone. He turned around and there was someone coming up to the shack with a machete there was no where to hide but in the closet. He got in the closet and slammed the door shut right when the killer came in. The kid heard the killer trying to hide the body and then someone came in. The person in had a gun and kicked the door down. When he came in he aimed the gun at the killer and told him to go outside with his hands up. The killer followed the man outside to his truck and thy both got in a few seconds later there was a gun shot and a scream. The kid thought it was safe and ran out to ask the man for help but when he got there he noticed a bullet hole in the windshield and when he looked inside the body of the man was sitting there lifeless. The kid was about to run when he was hit in the head with something sharp. The kids were looking for the 14 year old but could not find him so they just kept on walking. The 12 year old started to cry and kept saying he wanted to go home but the 17 year old said that they were trying to but they were lost. Page 3 Chapter 2 The kids last 3 kids were walking for hours when they came to a rail road they were waiting for a train to come when the 12 year old screamed. The 17 year old said what, what did you see? And the 12 year old said he saw something in the trees move the 17 year old said to take turns keeping watch so they could sleep the first one to keep watch was the 17 year old. He saw something move in the trees to and he was getting scared he was about to lose his mind when his turn was up and the 11 year old started to keep watch he saw a bird flying over them and he was watching the bird for a while then he started to stare into the woods when his turn was up. The 12 year old started to keep watch he did not see any thing and he started to drift off into sleep but then he heard bushes shaking and he was wide awake. He did not here anything so he tried to go to sleep again. Out of no where there was a loud shriek everyone woke up it was about 3 a.m. The 12 year old was screaming because there was a bear grabbing him by his leg. The 17 year old grabbed the knife and stabbed the bear in the side. The bear got mad Page 4 and shook his head shaking swinging the kid side to side. Then all of a sudden the kid’s leg broke off. He was screaming so loud the bear attacked again this time the bear grabbed him by the throat and broke his neck. The 17 year old and the 11 year old were so shocked that they just sat there starring while the bare carried of the dead body. After about 20 minutes of just sitting there the 17 year old and the 11 year old got up and started walking again. While they were walking the 11 year old notic I would say its a 5. I like your idea to your story, but it feels like its just telling events sentence after sentence. You need to add more description and give it life. Instead of ages, you should use names. Also I suggest trying to find a really good eye opening first sentence. I like your story :) I hope I helped, good luck!

Do you like my version of the story Beowulf? Earlier today, U.S. Marines were given the order to invade the small land of Denmark, and take down the vindictive monster, Grendel, who has been tormenting the Danes for many months. "WE GOT A MAN DOWN!" "We need to take him alive!" "Lead the way, lead the way." Jackson took point. Captain Price followed closely behind. The evil monster grendel was not easy to reach, for he picks his sanctuaries well. Jackson moved up through a small worm hole. Captain Price handed him a flashlight and a .44 magnum. "Take it," he said, "and Make it out alive. I'll see you on the far side." Mason and Ramirez led the way. Jackson kept his light steady, trembling with fear, but propelled by bravery. Ramirez was 10 meters ahead, and say the coast clear. "Mason, I… FLEH!!!!!!" HE WAS stabbed by a monster twice in the chest. Jackson emptied 6 rounds into the beast and reloaded frantically. Mason replaced his footsteps and snuck down the tunnel. What sounded like the faintest drip-drop, Jackson swooped to guard his 6 discovering three monsters following closely behind. Out of desperation, he fired and hit them each twice in the forehead. Startled by the screams audible from his back, he turned around to find Mason completely gone, with a trail of blood that replaced his path. He knew he was alone, and he knew he would have to face Grendel hand to hand in mortal combat. In the meantime, Beowulf was in a stalemate with Grendel. He swung his double bladed ax all about and missed each time. Grendel, almost defenseless was able to deflect his attacks, but did not have enough time to strike. He knew that Beowulf would not grow tired. He knew he would not stop. Captain Price, along with Soap and Gaz attempted to flank Grendel from the right until they met heavy resistance to the east. The mission depended on Jackson finish the job. With a fully loaded revolver, he had enough to slay the demon beast and restore peace and tranquility to the Danes. He approached the entrance to the cave, hearing the pain and agony of enemies in combat. Grendel appeared much worse than he expected. Covered in natural occurring steel, and razor sharp blades, the only visible piece of flesh was Grendel's head. Jackson pointed his magnum directly into his right eye. Not a second later, BAM BAM……….. BAM BAM BAM…. BAM!!! Grendel was no more. He collapses and laid there in his pool of blood, staring desperately up with one eye into the empty wall in his cave. Jackson observed his target and felt a pang of satisfaction as he saw a star-shaped hole the size of a fist in the middle of Grendel's red flesh, where he right eye had once been. Captain price and his men met up moments later to observe the kill. "Great work Jackson," Price said, "you're beast slaying skills are remarkable." He felt a sudden feeling of exuberance. As for Beowulf, he wasn't too happy. As the marines stood there, absorbing the pride and glory that should have been his, he could not help but suffer from envy. His ego drove him off the end. History is always written by the victory he thought. And while pride drove him, he blindly struck the four the marines, and, vindicated, made his way back to Hrothgar to tell the news of Grendel's demise. Cute, almost funny
@Lord Bearclaw-nice proofreading, but why so serious. I don't think he's looking for a career in fan fiction
or....I hope not, then it would not be so funny.
really, kinda funny, at least you do get the general idea and you seem to have actually read Beowulf.
so I give it....4.5 Battle axes out of a possible 7. Decent job.

Is my bird going to be okay? he's bleeding...? Okay so my mom says its to late to take him to the vet but we'll take him first thing in the morning if you guys think i should. He appears to be bleeding out of one nostril. He only has a slight blood trail (i had to use a flashlight) going from his cere to his beak where it is more collected there (there is more blood on his beak) He had an old injury on his beak but it seemed to be all the way healed. We got him maybe four-fives months ago and it seemed healed then. So I'm not sure if its coming from his beak or his cere. He is acting normal, but as you know birds are deceptive. He has a good appetite. The bleeding is stopped. So if I can determine that its from his beak should I take him to the vet still? I'll take him if I can't determine the source, but if I do determine its the beak should I still take him? Also he's been caged until I took his out and noticed his blood, which was dry. So he didn't fly around and get some sort of head injury, he would of had to damage himself in his cage in some way. He is a God capped conure and about 17 years old. Thanks for the help. :) wow I just read that, sorry for the poor grammar ok yeah you shold call 911 now. not really but you really should take the poor think to the doc right away

A Werewolf Story...Best ending gets 10 points!? It was around midnight when I noticed the flames around my campfire had died down to nothing more than embers and a cool breeze was beginning to crawl under my skin. I knew I had better find some wood and find it fast..so with flashlight in hand I found a trail leading off into the woods. As I walked along I noticed what had been a mostly cloudy sky just minutes earlier was now brightly shining with a full October moon. I could hear noises all around me...all the typical noises you would expect in the woods at night but one noise I heard made me feel uneasy. I could tell it wasnt a rabbit or a deer. It was as if it were human...walking upright on two feet. When I stopped the noise would stop. When I walked faster so would the noise behind me. As panic set into fear I dropped the wood I had been carrying and attempted to run to my campsite...but I knew it was far too late.I knew the creature wanted blood..my blood. Without warning I felt a searing pain shoot though my back.... only good endings please...you can keep the stupid ones to yourself! Without warning I felt a searing pain shoot through my back, felt the sharp fangs sink into my flesh.There was a howl in the distance and the weight lifted off me.It was as if whatever had attacked me was drawn to the sound.I heard the footsteps running away getting quieter and quieter. Weakly I saw through the trees the faint embers of my campsite, if only I could get there.To get enough strength to crawl to my gun.It would come back for me, of that there was no doubt.Slowly but surely I made my way through the dirt and leaves.I heard it just as I reached my tent, the low growl behind me.Reaching through the flap I pulled out my double barrel shotgun and flung myself on my back.All I could see was the dark shadow and fur flying right above me. I pulled the trigger.The clouds made the world dark again and I looked upon the body of a naked man in horror.Another breeze blew past and catching a glimmer of the full moon I noticed the smell of blood in the air, a small growl formed in my throat it was then I felt the need to bark at the moon.

Fate in War...read if you wish? It felt like I was watching a movie, As it was an out of body experience As I viewed this scene, or reality It was, but my mind had no sense That this was real, seeing death In such a way; innocent, a child With a hole in the forehead, eyes Closed, sleeping; sleeping that Beautiful sleep, slumped over in The wild night in a bullet riddled Car; holes, and holes; the child Lay over with a blood trail On the seat; so young, and mild; Sleeping, just sleeping, please be Asleep. I saw with my eyes, My flashlight telling me the truth That this movie will haunt me; the Actors told me these were bad people; Liars, and lies, and lies, and sleep, Forever. Then I asked one actor "Why?" And yet another I asked, "Why?" No answer I received, neither truth nor a lie, not a lie; When the mother approached me In my speech, and asked me "Why?". "Why?" seems to be the question we are all asking, and the poem-- portraying the senseless tragedy of war-- wipes out easy answers.
The contradiction between the utter senselessness of war and its seeming inevitability can't be resolved by intellectuals and moralists. They can point out what is in the best interests of all people everywhere, but they can't stop charismatic fanatics from winning the hearts and the minds of the people--- including people who, under their sway, seem to become heartless and mindless, such as the people who suicide-bombed the World Trade Center.
Another tragic contradiction lies in the fact that, while "disarmament" is an unarguably worth-while goal, to enforce "disarmament" would require that somebody have a monopoly on force-- that is, force of military arms, the ability to wage "war against evil" through "police action". To root out evil, in other words, we need Captain Marvel or Superman to battle for "truth, justice, and the American Way". The costumes have been designed, for so far no hero has emerged who can fill them all that adequately.
Contractions or gaps in what we might expect, compared with what actually materalizes, seem normal and usual, but, in some of this country's recent wars, the gap between expectation and reality has been mind-boggling. Politicians trying to stay "current" while also trying to justify past stances sometimes leads to an absurd spectacle. "Double-talk" has become the norm among our politicians of both parties.
The idiocy of blowing up the World Trade Center-- the idiocy of the very idea!--- stands in contradiction, also, to the craftiness and shrewdness with which it was carried out. And to what viable strategic end? Perhaps it was intended as a "wild card", and, if so, it must be conceded that it changed the direction of the whole game. The American response to Bin Laden's play-- I think an over-reaction aimed at the wrong country-- opened the way for many new recruits to his cause. I think he had something like that in mind.
We have viewed the spectacle of our country attacking the wrong country with too small a force, and the war effort crippled by half-measures and politics as usual-- here, observe another contradiction: the contradiction between intentions and outcomes that occurs when too small a force is sent in to do too great a task. The troops, reassigned again and again, are being pushed beyond all human limitations. Surely the biggest war critics must have some human feelings for our over-burdened troops.
We lined up at the polls during the primaries-- the line in my precinct was blocks long-- hoping somebody will figure out what to do to get us out of this mess. I think we will be out of the mess when everybody, or people in general, at least, see fully the absolute folly of force in resolving international issues.
But as long as some see the folly of force, while others, such as the terrorists, rely on force and destruction as their primary strategy, war will never end.
Let us hope that future use of force to enforce law and order against terrorists will at least resemble a lawman-like bringing of malefactors to justice, with all civilized nations cooperating in the effort--- not the U.S., or any other nation, going it alone, targeting an obnoxious little dictator who, for all of his absolute evilness, had nothing to do with the terrorist bombings!
Here's hoping that the Iraq war is America's last "gunfight at the OK Corral", but, even more than that, Muslim, Jew and Christian alike will fall back on the principles that all agree were set forth by the Almighty, recognizing our impotency to bring about a righteous world by unrighteous means.
I am not saying that we were particularly "unrighteous" to get rid of Saddam Hussein by any means we could, but the "Blazing Saddles" approach used by Bush (with the collaboration of Democrats as well as Republicans, we should never forget!) has left us stuck in the mire of what now looks like an endless war-- a war in which our under-manned troops keep being re-assigned for longer and longer duty and have no relief!
How can the people who use this war to play political football look our troops in the eye?
As in the fabled O.K. Corral gunfight, this war seems to be a story of much bloodshed with no lesson learned. Perhaps that is the story of all wars, but, if America has not learned from this, then it is impervious to any lesson.

I'm a D.A. ina mock trail.. Help me use this information to ask good questions, and make my point.? Questioned the 3 police officers who were at the crime scene. They didn’t see the accident though. They also when to the defendants house. Police = Aubrey, Robert , Samuel. Defendant= Alex Passengers= Chris & Anita Victim who died = Anita. Three Cops Together At about 3:20 a.m. Robert(Cop) came across the accident scene. He got out of the car and with a flashlight, he saw Anita(Victim) Death in the car, with the windshield broken and that, she was not wearing her seat belt. As soon as he saw this, he called Aubrey(cop) and Samuel(cop) to come to the scene as well. Samuel noticed a Budweiser bear can in the cup holder and he states that “¾ of the can was gone” and he believes that Alexs had drank it. When Alex was tested for the BAC, the level was 0.07 – California law for says .08 is drunk for minors it has to be under .01 and Alex is a minor. The BAC Test was taken after the integration in his house. The car Alex Drove was his fathers. It was registered under his father’s name. Alex lived with his parents. Together as they looked at the car and the inside, they predicted that the windshield had broke when Anita hit it as the car cam to a sudden stop. Samuel stated that he ha found only Alex’s fingerprints on the steering wheel. By tracing the license plate, they found the address of the car owner, which was his father. Guessing that they live together, Robert(cop) & Aubrey go to the address. Sam went back to the police station to work on a different case. At 5:00 a.m., they arrived at Alex’s hours. Aubrey knocked and the father opened. “The father seemed confused as to what was going on.” Robert(cop) and Aubrey ask the father a couple of questions such as “was your son at a party last night” the father answered yes he was aware of the party. They also asked if his son was driving his car and the father replied yes. Aubrey asked to talk to the son. Therefore, the father woke up the mother and the mother awakened Alex. Alex seemed confused and disoriented. He could not speak properly. He was surprised as to what is going on. The police state that there was vomit and blood on his shirt. Alex confirmed to him driving his father’s car last night and being at the party. The accident scene was approximately 3 miles away from Alex’s house. First, they inferred the car was orange corvette color, and then they said it was a blue Cadillac. They found Finger prints on the steering wheel of Alex’s and Anita’s. Theory: There was a struggle between Anita & Alex to get a hold of the wheel. Cop (Aubrey) Did read the Miranda Rights before questioning Alex. They found Alex’s Fingerprints on Anita’s Seat belt buckle. Since you have told us neither what the alleged criminal offense might be, nor the point you want to make, it is impossible to answer your question. (Perhaps a good start for a prosecutor.)

Help I am so freaked out and can't sleep!? I need to wake up early tomorrow too! So get this, I come home a couple hours ago and my dog who I usually keep outside was laying down on the porch. I turn on my light to say hello to my dog, go outside with some food and fresh water and as I am petting her I see she has a big blotch of blood on her right side. So I start freaking out, I grab a flashlight to get a better look because it was getting dark and it turns out the blood is not hers...the blood was just on her fur...so i'm thinking...WHAT THE HELL? So I walk around and looking for an animal she might have killed and I see a trail of blood leading towards the side of my house/towards my fence...and the trail stops...right where the side door to enter my garage is...once I saw this I ran inside, locked the garage, put a chair under the handle. I am so freaked out and I do not want to go in my garage or even open it and I can't sleep... What should I do?!? Call the routine phone number for your local police. Explain the situation and tell them you are scared to death. Ask if a police officer or an animal control officer can come and help you with the unknown animal.

Blood Trail Flashlight is from category: Flashlights.