Arc Flashlight

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what do you think about the starting of my story? Please be as crirical as you can, this is my first time writing and i dont expect to be anywhere near good. thanks "Help! Quick I need help! "Mason screamed as his foot got stuck between two metal bars on an old railway track. He tried shaking his leg rapidly but it only caused more pain. Linda my shoe is stuck on something! He shouted anxiously. Linda finally heard his voice and immediately ran towards him without looking to see if there were any alphahunters nearby. Unaware of what might be in his surroundings Mason kept on crying for help hoping that either Linda or Redman heard him. Linda trampled quickly through the debris and junk of what use to be a research facility around 50 years ago. She tried to maintain her balance and not trip or get caught on anything, “I’m coming just give me a second” shouted Linda nervously. She finally got to him and instantly started helping him pull his leg out. She kept applying excess force to his feet but it didn’t seem to get any looser. “Linda hurry, I’m getting really scared” said Mason nervously. “I know they are near” said Mason. “Stop worrying I’ll get you out” replied Linda. She stopped trying to pull his leg and instead started hurling her hand towards the metal bars. Linda kept getting more and more anxious; it was then when she started getting paranoid as she realized this might not be some random debris from the old facility. That in fact it may be a trap set by Betazars, It was a t the moment when a cold chill ran through her spine. More and more worry ran through her thoughts, “what’s wrong, why is it not coming off” cried Mason, now with drips of sweat running through his face like mini rivers. “You know what, Wait by I’ll go and get Redman” said Linda. “What! And leave me hear alone! Stuck on some bar! Helpless if even the weakest alphahunter comes by!” shrilled Mason anxiously.” Look, stop worrying” said Linda. “I promise I’ll come back”. Meanwhile in the underground floor of the facility was Redman wondering and searching for any signs of human or alien life. He walked carefully in the dark of what seemed to be some sort of ware house. He took out his flashlight and turned it on to see his surroundings more clearly. At first glance he had some difficulty identifying what was around him. After a few seconds he came to realize that the warehouse was filled with boxes and carton. He didn’t know what they contained as their labels were hard to see due to the thick dust that carpeted the surface of almost everything in the warehouse. He went towards one of the boxes and scraped the dust off with his hands to see the writing on the label. He then leaned his body closer to see the reading more clearly “Blue arc medical equipment” it had written on its main label. “Thank goodness” whispered Redman to himself. As he knew he found what he was looking for, and now he can call more of his troops to the facility. But it was at that moment he heard a strange noise coming from upstairs. He paused silently for a moment and then turned off his flashlight. A sense of panic and strong fear shivered through his mind for a few seconds. He waited a few more seconds to gain the courage to shout to whatever might have been coming towards him. “Who is there” he shouted, but he knew the more important question was what was there, because if it was an alien or robot it wouldn’t have bothered to answer. He stood silently for a few more seconds, waiting for an answer and then all of a sudden he heard another sound coming from the stairs. He took a couple of steps towards the stairs so he could get a glimpse of what he what about to encounter. Then finally to his relief he heard a voice shout, a human voice, It was Linda’s. “Redman are you there?” shouted Linda. Redman quickly turned on his flashlight and yelled “yah I am over here”. words of advice:
don't write the 'research facility 50 years ago' part where it is. It takes away from the suspense of the moment. Once all the characters are safe, drop that little nugget of info, like "Linda looked over the ruins that were once a research facility and turned to walk away."
your verbs are little mixed up; trampled means to stomp on something to destroy it. that doesn't really fit into your usage.
and you should always think a scene through before writing it. I couldn't help but wonder why Redman was chillin by himself downstairs. if these people know they are in hostile territory, they would stick together at all times to better their chances of survival. And why did he ask "Who's there?" If this invasion has been going on for 50 years, im pretty sure the people dumb enough to ask that question would have been killed a long time ago.

How much mistakes can you spot (best answer gets 10 points)? the following starting for this particular novel is FILLED with mistakes, some are grammatical others are just sentences that don't make sense. the person who corrects the most mistakes gets 20 points (cuz im asking this question twice) so if you answered it once just copy and paste you answer to the copy of this question. Help! Quick I need help! Mason screamed as his foot got stuck between two metal bars on an old railway track. He tried shaking his leg rapidly but it only caused more pain. “Linda my shoe is stuck on something”. Linda finally heard his voice and immediately ran towards him without looking to see if there were any alphahunters nearby. Unaware of what might be in his surroundings, Mason kept on crying for help hoping that either Linda or Redman heard him. Linda ran quickly through the debris and junk of what use to be a research facility around 50 years ago. She tried to maintain her balance and not trip or get caught on anything, “I’m coming just give me a second” she shouted nervously. She finally got to him and instantly started helping him pull his leg out. She kept applying excess force to his feet but it didn’t seem to get any looser. “Linda hurry, I’m getting really scared” said Mason nervously. “I know they are near”. “Stop worrying I’ll get you out” replied Linda. She stopped trying to pull his leg and instead started hurling her hand towards the metal bars. The bars still did not loosen at all. Linda kept getting more and more anxious and frustrated; it was then when she started getting paranoid as she realized this might not be some random debris from the old facility. That in fact it may be a trap set by Betazars, It was a t the moment when a cold chill ran through her spine. More and more worry ran through her thoughts, “what’s wrong, why is it not coming off” cried Mason, now with drips of sweat running through his face like mini rivers. “You know what, Wait by I’ll go and get Redman” said Linda. “What! And leave me hear alone! Stuck on some bar! Helpless if even the weakest alphahunter comes by!” shrilled Mason anxiously.” Look, stop worrying”. “I promise I’ll come back”. Meanwhile in the underground floor of the facility was Redman wondering and searching for any signs of human or alien life. He was alone, despite this he knew he shouldn’t have. But the reality of it was he didn’t have enough troops to even protect his survivors from aliens let alone go into the robot’s territories, so taking more than Linda and Mason on this mission was not an option. He walked carefully in the dark of what seemed to be some sort of warehouse. He took out his flashlight and turned it on to see his surroundings more clearly. At first glance he had some difficulty identifying what was around him. After a few seconds he came to realize that the warehouse was filled with boxes and cartons. He didn’t know what they contained as their labels were hard to see due to the thick dust that carpeted the surface of almost everything in the warehouse. He went towards one of the boxes and scraped the dust off with his hands to see the writings on the label. He leaned his body closer to see the reading more clearly “Blue arc medical equipment” it had written on its main label. “Thank goodness” he whispered to himself. He knew he found what he was looking for, and now he can call Linda and Mason to the facility. But it was at that moment he heard a strange noise coming from upstairs. He paused silently for a moment and then turned off his flashlight. A sense of panic and strong fear shivered through his mind for a few seconds. He waited a few more seconds to gain the courage to shout to whatever might have been coming towards him. “Who is there” he shouted, but he knew the more important question was what was there, because if it was an alien or robot it wouldn’t have bothered to answer. Despite the various possibilities he still had to shout out loud because he knew most robots aren’t equipped with night vision, and that included all walking robots. And if it were an Alien chances were he could take it down; that is of course only if it choose to be hostile. He stood silently for a few more seconds, waiting for an answer and then all of a sudden he heard another sound coming from the stairs. He took a couple of steps towards the stairs so he could get a glimpse of what he what about to encounter. Then finally to his relief he heard a voice shout, a human voice, It was Linda’s. “Redman are you there?” shouted Linda. Redman quickly turned on his flashlight and yelled “yah I am over here”. Redman took a deep breath in relief and laughed slightly for a moment and said “you know despite all these years of fighting Alphahunters and betazars, And having to take down white-valkyries I still get that chill when I feel like am around them" he said nervously. "Yeah it’s hard to get use to” replied Linda quietly. "Mason got stuck on some metal bars, he needs your help". "Alright, good news tho Since its long ill make it worth 30 POINTS (i ll send the best answerer the link to the other 2 copies of this question) Instead of pointing out mistakes, which will get confusing, I will just rewrite it.
"Help! Quick, I need help!" Mason screamed as his foot got stuck between two metal bars on an old railway track. He tried shaking his leg rapidly but it only caused more pain. “Linda my shoe is stuck on something.”
Linda finally heard his voice and immediately ran toward him--without looking to see if there were any alphahunters(not correcting since I don't know the context) nearby. Unaware of what might be in his surroundings, Mason kept on crying for help, hoping that either Linda or Redman had heard him. Linda ran quickly through the debris of the old research facility. She tried to maintain her balance and not get caught on anything.
“I’m coming just give me a second,” she shouted nervously. She finally got to him and started to help him pull his leg out. She kept applying excess force to his foot but it didn’t seem to get any looser.
“Linda hurry, I’m getting really scared,” said Mason. “I know they are near.”
“Stop worrying, I’ll get you out.” Replied Linda. She stopped trying to pull his leg and instead tried to pry apart the metal bars. They did not loosen at all.
Linda kept getting more and more anxious and frustrated. She became paranoid as she realized this might not be some random debris from the old facility. That, it may in fact be a trap set by Betazars. A chill ran down her spine. Worry plagued her thoughts.
“What’s wrong? Why is it not coming off,” Cried Mason, now with drips of sweat running down his face like mini rivers.
“You know what, wait here. I’ll go and get Redman,” said Linda.
“What? And leave me here alone! Stuck on some bar--helpless if even the weakest alphahunter comes by,” shrilled Mason anxiously.
"Look, stop worrying. I promise I’ll come back."
***
Meanwhile, in the basement of the facility Redman was searching for any signs of human or alien life. He was alone, though he knew he shouldn't have been.
But the reality of it was that he didn’t have enough troops to even protect his survivors from the aliens, let alone go into the robot’s territories. Taking more than Linda and Mason on this mission was not an option. He walked carefully in the dark of what seemed to be some sort of warehouse. He took out his flashlight and turned it on to see his surroundings more clearly. At first glance he had some difficulty identifying what was around him. After a few seconds he came to realize that the warehouse was filled with boxes and cartons, labels unreadable due to the thick layer of dust that covered everything.
He went towards one of the boxes and scraped the dust off with his hands. He leaned his body closer to see the writing more clearly.
“Blue arc medical equipment” was written on the label.
“Thank goodness,” he whispered to himself. He knew he had found what he was looking for and now he could call Linda and Mason to the facility. But it was at that moment that he heard a strange noise coming from upstairs. He paused silently for a moment before he turned off his flashlight. Panic and fear crept through his mind for a few seconds.
He waited a few more seconds to gain the courage to shout to whatever might have been coming towards him. “Who is there,” he shouted. He knew the more important question was what was there, because if it was an alien or robot it wouldn’t have bothered to answer.
Despite the various possibilities he still had to shout out loud because he knew most robots aren’t equipped with night vision, and that included all walking robots(relevance?). And if it were an alien, chances were he could take it down if it choose to be hostile. He stood silently for a few more seconds, waiting for an answer and then all of a sudden he heard another sound coming from the stairs. He took a couple of steps towards the stairs so he could get a glimpse of what he what about to encounter. Then, finally, to his relief he heard a voice shout. A human voice. It was Linda’s.
“Redman are you there?” shouted Linda.
Redman quickly turned on his flashlight, “Yah, I am over here.”
Redman took a deep breath of relief and laughed slightly for a moment. “You know, despite all these years of fighting Alphahunters and Betazars--and having to take down white-valkyries--I still get that chill when I feel like I'm around them," he said nervously.
"Yeah. It’s hard to get used to.” Linda replied quietly. "Mason got stuck on some metal bars, he needs your help."
"Alright, good news tho...
Okay, I did most of the basic stuff. I went pretty quickly though, so I might have flubbed up a bit.

How much mistakes can you spot?(20 points)? the following starting for this particular novel is FILLED with mistakes, some are grammatical others are just sentences that don't make sense. the person who corrects the most mistakes gets 20 points (cuz im asking this question twice) so if you answered it once just copy and paste you answer to the copy of this question. Help! Quick I need help! Mason screamed as his foot got stuck between two metal bars on an old railway track. He tried shaking his leg rapidly but it only caused more pain. “Linda my shoe is stuck on something”. Linda finally heard his voice and immediately ran towards him without looking to see if there were any alphahunters nearby. Unaware of what might be in his surroundings, Mason kept on crying for help hoping that either Linda or Redman heard him. Linda ran quickly through the debris and junk of what use to be a research facility around 50 years ago. She tried to maintain her balance and not trip or get caught on anything, “I’m coming just give me a second” she shouted nervously. She finally got to him and instantly started helping him pull his leg out. She kept applying excess force to his feet but it didn’t seem to get any looser. “Linda hurry, I’m getting really scared” said Mason nervously. “I know they are near”. “Stop worrying I’ll get you out” replied Linda. She stopped trying to pull his leg and instead started hurling her hand towards the metal bars. The bars still did not loosen at all. Linda kept getting more and more anxious and frustrated; it was then when she started getting paranoid as she realized this might not be some random debris from the old facility. That in fact it may be a trap set by Betazars, It was a t the moment when a cold chill ran through her spine. More and more worry ran through her thoughts, “what’s wrong, why is it not coming off” cried Mason, now with drips of sweat running through his face like mini rivers. “You know what, Wait by I’ll go and get Redman” said Linda. “What! And leave me hear alone! Stuck on some bar! Helpless if even the weakest alphahunter comes by!” shrilled Mason anxiously.” Look, stop worrying”. “I promise I’ll come back”. Meanwhile in the underground floor of the facility was Redman wondering and searching for any signs of human or alien life. He was alone, despite this he knew he shouldn’t have. But the reality of it was he didn’t have enough troops to even protect his survivors from aliens let alone go into the robot’s territories, so taking more than Linda and Mason on this mission was not an option. He walked carefully in the dark of what seemed to be some sort of warehouse. He took out his flashlight and turned it on to see his surroundings more clearly. At first glance he had some difficulty identifying what was around him. After a few seconds he came to realize that the warehouse was filled with boxes and cartons. He didn’t know what they contained as their labels were hard to see due to the thick dust that carpeted the surface of almost everything in the warehouse. He went towards one of the boxes and scraped the dust off with his hands to see the writings on the label. He leaned his body closer to see the reading more clearly “Blue arc medical equipment” it had written on its main label. “Thank goodness” he whispered to himself. He knew he found what he was looking for, and now he can call Linda and Mason to the facility. But it was at that moment he heard a strange noise coming from upstairs. He paused silently for a moment and then turned off his flashlight. A sense of panic and strong fear shivered through his mind for a few seconds. He waited a few more seconds to gain the courage to shout to whatever might have been coming towards him. “Who is there” he shouted, but he knew the more important question was what was there, because if it was an alien or robot it wouldn’t have bothered to answer. Despite the various possibilities he still had to shout out loud because he knew most robots aren’t equipped with night vision, and that included all walking robots. And if it were an Alien chances were he could take it down; that is of course only if it choose to be hostile. He stood silently for a few more seconds, waiting for an answer and then all of a sudden he heard another sound coming from the stairs. He took a couple of steps towards the stairs so he could get a glimpse of what he what about to encounter. Then finally to his relief he heard a voice shout, a human voice, It was Linda’s. “Redman are you there?” shouted Linda. Redman quickly turned on his flashlight and yelled “yah I am over here”. Redman took a deep breath in relief and laughed slightly for a moment and said “you know despite all these years of fighting Alphahunters and betazars, And having to take down white-valkyries I still get that chill when I feel like am around them" he said nervously. "Yeah it’s hard to get use to” replied Linda quietly. "Mason got stuck on some metal bars, he needs your help". "Alright, good news though" sa Your luck I'm bored.
well I found
Help! Quick I need help! Mason screamed as his foot got stuck between two metal bars on an old railway track.
It should be.
"Help, quick, I need help!" Mason screamed, as his foot got stuck between the two metal bars, on an old railway track.
You needed four comma's, one exclamation point, and the word the in the sentence, it makes it sound better.
He tried shaking his leg rapidly but it only caused more pain.
It should be.
He tried shaking his leg, rapidly, but it only caused him more pain.
You needed two comma's, and him in the sentence, it makes it sound better.
“Linda my shoe is stuck on something”.
It should be.
"Linda, my shoe is stuck on something."
You needed a comma, and your period goes first at the end.
Linda finally heard his voice and immediately ran towards him without looking to see if there were any alphahunters nearby.
It should be.
Linda finally heard his voice, and immediately ran towards him, without looking to see if there were any alpha hunters nearby.
You needed two comma's and needed to space out the word alpha hunters.
Unaware of what might be in his surroundings, Mason kept on crying for help hoping that either Linda or Redman heard him.
It should be.
Unaware, of what might be in his surroundings, Mason kept crying for help, hoping that either Linda or Redman heard him.
I'm not sure if Redman is a name or what, but anyway, you needed two comma's and didn't need a word.
Linda ran quickly through the debris and junk of what use to be a research facility around 50 years ago.
It should be.
Linda, ran quickly through the debris and junk, of what use to be a research facility, around fifty years ago.
You needed three comma's and need to spell fifty instead of putting 50.
She tried to maintain her balance and not trip or get caught on anything,
It should be.
She tried to maintain her balance, and not trip or get caught on anything.
You needed a comma and a period and not a comma at the end.
“I’m coming just give me a second” she shouted nervously.
It should be.
"I'm coming, just give me a second." she shouted nervously.
You needed a comma and a period.

What do you think about my story so far? This is just the beginning of it, and its my first time writing. My story is basically about a earth in a distant future and humans are enslaved by robots. Earth 2083 Help! Quick I need help! Mason screamed as his foot got stuck between two metal bars on an old railway track. He tried shaking his leg rapidly but it only caused more pain. Linda my shoe is stuck on something! He shouted anxiously. Linda finally heard his voice and immediately ran towards him without looking to see if there were any alphahunters nearby. Unaware of what might be in his surroundings Mason kept on crying for help hoping that either Linda or Redman heard him. Linda ran quickly through the debris and junk of what use to be a research facility around 50 years ago, trampling on everything she stepped on. She tried to maintain her balance and not trip or get caught on anything, “I’m coming just give me a second” shouted Linda nervously. She finally got to him and instantly started helping him pull his leg out. She kept applying excess force to his feet but it didn’t seem to get any looser. “Linda hurry, I’m getting really scared” said Mason nervously. “I know they are near” said Mason. “Stop worrying I’ll get you out” replied Linda. She stopped trying to pull his leg and instead started hurling her hand towards the metal bars. Linda kept getting more and more anxious and frustrated; it was then when she started getting paranoid as she realized this might not be some random debris from the old facility. That in fact it may be a trap set by Betazars, It was a t the moment when a cold chill ran through her spine. More and more worry ran through her thoughts, “what’s wrong, why is it not coming off” cried Mason, now with drips of sweat running through his face like mini rivers. “You know what, Wait by I’ll go and get Redman” said Linda. “What! And leave me hear alone! Stuck on some bar! Helpless if even the weakest alphahunter comes by!” shrilled Mason anxiously.” Look, stop worrying” said Linda. “I promise I’ll come back”. Meanwhile in the underground floor of the facility was Redman wondering and searching for any signs of human or alien life. He was alone, despite this he knew he shouldn’t have. But the reality of it was he didn’t have enough troops to even protect his survivors from aliens let alone go into the robot’s territories, so taking more than Linda and Mason on this mission was not an option. He walked carefully in the dark of what seemed to be some sort of warehouse. He took out his flashlight and turned it on to see his surroundings more clearly. At first glance he had some difficulty identifying what was around him. After a few seconds he came to realize that the warehouse was filled with boxes and cartons. He didn’t know what they contained as their labels were hard to see due to the thick dust that carpeted the surface of almost everything in the warehouse. He went towards one of the boxes and scraped the dust off with his hands to see the writing on the label. He then leaned his body closer to see the reading more clearly “Blue arc medical equipment” it had written on its main label. “Thank goodness” whispered Redman to himself. As he knew he found what he was looking for, and now he can call more of his troops to the facility. But it was at that moment he heard a strange noise coming from upstairs. He paused silently for a moment and then turned off his flashlight. A sense of panic and strong fear shivered through his mind for a few seconds. He waited a few more seconds to gain the courage to shout to whatever might have been coming towards him. “Who is there” he shouted, but he knew the more important question was what was there, because if it was an alien or robot it wouldn’t have bothered to answer. Despite the various possibilities he still had to shout out loud because he knew most robots aren’t equipped with night vision, and that included all walking robots. And if it were an Alien chances were he could take it down; that is of course only if it choose to be hostile. He stood silently for a few more seconds, waiting for an answer and then all of a sudden he heard another sound coming from the stairs. He took a couple of steps towards the stairs so he could get a glimpse of what he what about to encounter. Then finally to his relief he heard a voice shout, a human voice, It was Linda’s. “Redman are you there?” shouted Linda. Redman quickly turned on his flashlight and yelled “yah I am over here”. Redman took a deep breath in relief and laughed slightly for a moment and said “you know despite all these years of fighting Alphahunters and betazars, And having to take down white-valkyries I still get that chill when I feel like am around them" he said nervously. "Yeah it’s hard to get use to” replied Linda quietly. "Mason got stuck on some metal bars, he needs your help". "Alright, good news though" said Redman. "What" said Linda, "This entire warehouse is filled with medical P.S sorry i cuted it off at an unexpected point P.S sorry i cuted it off at a random point. Good idea, not extremely origninal, but not too overused either.
Anyways, I read the first few sentences and that was it. Your grammar was AWFUL and it didn't flow at all. Mason did this, Linda did this, etc. Make it flow and work on your grammar! Look up on google or something for a site that shows you how to properly structure sentences and when to start new paragraphs, when people are talking and etc.

where can i order "Arc 4+ Premium" flashlight?..can you give me their address in USA?.tnx a lot...? arcflashlight.com

Arc Flashlight is from category: Flashlights.